A small account of my travels through the wilderness

Introduction

This book was written between the early 1860s and 1888. Part autobiography, part occasional diary, it is the work of James Nye (1822—1892), a self-educated Calvinist, poet, musician, composer, instrument maker, agricultural labourer, quarry worker, and for thirty years gardener at Ashcombe House, which is to the west of Lewes, near the village of Kingston, East Sussex. Most of his life was spent within a few miles of his birth-place of East Chiltington, a small wealden village just to the north of the South Downs, near Lewes.

Basically, the book is a spiritual autobiography, a form popular among Protestants since the sixteenth century. Nye’s spiritual life is of great interest, but the book also contains a wealth of detail about the life and experience of a member of a class of people who are more usually referred to than speak for themselves in the historical record.

Nye indeed speaks for himself and this makes a long introduction unnecessary. I will briefly indicate some of the main areas of interest then leave the reader to explore James Nye’s world.

The experiences of hunger, poverty, and degradation Nye describes were known by countless others of the nineteenth century rural poor. The testimony Nye gives us should be sufficient to shatter past and present romantic notions about the lot of the rural poor in the last century. A contemporary of Nye’s, F.G. Heath, expressed the bitterness of rural poverty like this:

‘It is terrible to witness want and misery in the foul slums of a great city; but it is assuredly much more terrible to find it in rose-bound cottages — embosomed in the most charming of country nooks, where the very richness of nature seems to rebuke the meanness of man.’ (1)

Poverty to Nye meant much more than the inability to purchase the occasional luxury, it often meant the inability to purchase the basic necessities of life. Hunger was a common experience. He often attests to his inability to buy clothes and the shame he felt walking about in rags. He was often the recipient of charity and rationalises this as divine providence. The sickness of members of his family was an almost permanent experience which led him into conflict with the Poor Law authorities. Nye’s account of his struggles with farmer Hodson of Kingston, the Poor Law Guardian who threatened the Nye family with eviction and the workhouse, is an indictment of the inhumanity of both the post-1834 Poor Law system and this particular respectable Victorian’s role in that system.

All human culture is, in a sense, a form of adaptation to a hostile environment, but that adaptation can take a great variety of forms. One form is hedonism and drunkenness, an attempt to escape from the brutal realities of the world through company and the narcotic of alcohol. Nye rejects this solution and instead sets himself on the path of the pilgrim to travel through ‘this wilderness world’ in the hope of final salvation. It is a journey beset with difficulties, adversities, fears and doubts. Nye is basically a shy and retiring man but the struggle with faith that Nye chooses ‘is practical help to live in this world with courage, honour and decency.’ (2)

The religion Nye settles on is a form of Calvinism. As with his seventeenth century predecessors from whom many of his religious ideas are taken directly, this is a difficult choice. Central to this set of beliefs are the doctrines of election and predestination. Put simply, it is believed that God has predestined which of humanity will dwell with him in heaven (the elect) and which will be doomed to everlasting hell (the reprobate). Such a division of mankind is just because man is totally depraved by his nature and does not deserve salvation, that God redeems anybody is an act of great mercy. Nothing man does can alter God’s decision, good works cannot save a man, only God’s pre-ordained redemption is sufficient.

The problem for the individual, if he accepted these beliefs, was to know whether or not he was one of the elect. Thus the periods of tremendous self-doubt that beset so many Calvinists, thus also the tremendous strength of the faith once the self-doubt was overcome.

Another important element of Calvinist belief is the doctrine of God’s providence. This is a belief that God intervenes in the workings of the world, is active in a universal and permanent way. Unbelievers ascribe events, great or small, to chance or the play of natural forces, but the believer will perceive the hand of God in all things, will see the working out of His purpose in daily events.

A reading of Nye’s book will make it clear how these beliefs provide a framework for the interpretation of his life; with them he can make sense of adversity and poverty. More than that they provide the reason for Nye writing his book, it is a ‘waymark’ to the glory of God who brought him out of darkness into light, which he felt it was his duty to write and which might prove an encouragement to weak believers.

Through Nye we see the importance Calvinist beliefs could have for the poor and dispossessed. We also see that they could have an essentially conservative function, they could encourage an adjustment to the status quo, an acceptance of suffering and adversity, because through these God tries the faith of the Christian.

It is interesting to consider Nye’s religious development, particularly as the text of his book does not tell the full story. No doubt his early contact with ‘chapel people’, his sense of sin and wretchedness, his distrust of hedonism, his feeling that the Established Church was inadequate, and his seemingly miraculous saving from death by accident all contributed to his ultimate conversion to Calvinism. But I think the crucial thing in Nye’s religious development was his reading of William Huntington’s The Kingdom of Heaven Taken By Prayer (1806), the book which, according to Nye, ‘opened my eyes just enough to show me the church people’s darkness.’ Such a reference is intriguing and caused me to seek out and read Huntington’s book; but it did not prepare me adequately for the shock of my first encounter with this strange figure.

William Huntington (1745-1813) is one of the most fascinating religious leaders to emerge in the late eighteenth century. There is not space enough to give a full account of his life, on the significant influence he had in Lewes (mainly through the Jireh Chapel) and Sussex generally, but for our purposes what is important is the similarity of life experience of Huntington and Nye. True, Nye did not become a religious leader or successful society preacher as did Huntington, but in many other ways the parallels are very strong. Both were from similar social backgrounds, brought up in the families of rural labourers and became rural labourers themselves. Both suffered hunger and the discomfort and humiliation of inadequate clothing from their early years. Both were, at least at first, shy characters who disliked making their case known. Both rejected the convivial society of the pub, both ultimately rejected the Church of England, both suffered conversion crises, both embraced the doctrine of election, both shared the belief that true wisdom was in spiritual knowledge. In the light of these parallels between Nye and Huntington, it becomes clear why Nye ‘loved the man for the sake of his book’. At a time of crisis Huntington offered Nye both a mirror and a guide. Where I have thought it appropriate, I have inserted references to and quotes from Huntington’s The Kingdom of Heaven Taken by Prayer into the notes at the back of the book. I cannot overstress the importance of this book in Nye’s development or as the model, a mixture of spiritual autobiography and social experience, for his own book.

One area of his life about which Nye has little to say is work. He worked variously as an agricultural labourer, a quarryman and a gardener. Twice he was nearly killed at work, once by horses, once by a rock fall. (Nye’s wife’s uncle actually lost his life by ‘an unruly horse’ – newspapers detail the danger of much manual work in the nineteenth century.) Other than this we get very little notion of the significance of work experience to Nye.

I have left till last the aspect of Nye which first aroused my interest in him — his music. I first came across Nye’s book when doing research on nineteenth century popular church music in Sussex. Not only does Nye supply us with valuable information about music making among the rural working class in the nineteenth century, he has also left us a quantity of music he played, amongst which are many of his own compositions. He also made instruments (a fact he does not mention in the book) and a fine example of his work, a fiddle, is preserved in the Anne of Cleaves Museum in Lewes. (One is reminded here that another of Nye’s great influences, John Bunyan, made a fiddle of metal which is still extant.)

Nye’s references to music are often tantalisingly brief but extremely valuable, as accounts from rural workers who played music are rare. Through him we are able to witness the attempt to reform the church music at East Chiltington and something of the conflicts this gave rise to. We learn a little about his views on church music and the tension to which music gave rise, the traditional Protestant tension over the sensuality of music and its role in worship. Would there were more of such things, but what Nye has given us is extremely valuable.

In conclusion I would like briefly to point to the value and limitations of working class autobiography as an aid to helping us understand the world of our predecessors and their attitudes and values. In the first place there can be little doubt about the importance of such writings, be they autobiography or spiritual autobiography. This latter category, I believe, is an almost untapped source that will provide a great many insights into the world of the labouring poor. Nye, for example, shows us how Calvinism works as a creed for some of the poor members of nineteenth century rural society and gives us much else. But having said this I want to add the warning that such sources will never be able to give us a totally adequate view of the world of the poor of the past. Writers of any kind of autobiography are in some way motivated, and this motivation might well set them apart from their fellows. The Calvinist, the millenarian, the radical, the poacher, all provide us with fascinating insights into their worlds. But in looking at their writings we must not fool ourselves we are grasping that illusive entity, popular mentality. No such thing exists in the singular. What needs to be studied are popular mentalities, many of which are in conflict, and the most significant of which may be the least articulated. Here we need other sources and oblique approaches to try to capture something of the world of the poor of the past.

Here, then, is James Nye’s little book, a glimpse into the world of one representative of the nineteenth century rural poor. Atypical? Yes. Fascinating? I think so.

Gallery

Notes

Vic Gammon

(1) F.G. Heath: The English Peasantry, (1874) p.110
(2) A.L. Morton: ‘Pilgrim’s Progress, A Commemoration’, History Workshop Journal 5, Spring 1978, p.8.

Reader,

If you are blessed with good learning be thankful for the same, and pity me who have so little. No one can be more thankful than the writer of these lines for a little what I have got by my own industry, therefore it was dearly earnt and highly prized. What I have wrote is very badly spelt I am aware of, but it is the truth and no more than the truth.
The Lord has been very merciful unto me a poor sinner, and I believe has brought me out of nature’s darkness into his marvellous light, and has appeared for me so many times in Providence and Grace. Therefore I think it my duty to make some waymark to the glory of his great and holy name, and if it shall prove any encouragement to any weak believer give God the praise.

James Nye

NOTES ON EDITING

In order to make Nye’s usually unpunctuated, uncapitalised, unparagraphed, non-standard spelt prose comprehensible to modern readers, I have punctuated, capitalised, paragraphed where a change of idea is indicated, and rendered all words into standard modern spelling except those l think are dialect words. I realise that to do this is to do something of a violence to an internally coherent non-standard way of writing, but on balance l feel communication is more important than faithfulness to an orthography Nye himself felt was inadequate. A few dubious remaining readings are indicated thus: (?). An example of the original manuscript is reproduced on the opposite page.

Vic Gammon

A small account of my travels through the wilderness

I was born in the year 1822 (1), according to my mother’s account, in the parish of East Chiltington, in the county of Sussex. My parents had a family of eleven children which caused us young ones to go very short of food and clothing; but my mother was such a good housekeeper that we had something to eat every meal, but not more than half a bellyful in general, and but a little more than bread (2). I was such a little white weakly boy that people used to say I never should come to anything, and no wonder so hungry I used to be nearly all day long.

I believe that no poor children could watch the hand of God more than we did in bringing that blessed time of year when the hedges was covered with blackberries. This was a rare feasting time with us young ones. I never shall forget at one time, the day before baking day, the bread was nearly all gone but unknown to me. I took a basket and went in search for some blackberries, unknown to my mother. And when I got out I came to a place where there was such a quantity that I soon got two gallon and carried them to my mother, and off we started to Lewes and sold them for two shillings and spent the money on bread. This was a great blessing for us all, for we had a good supper and breakfast; a bellyful of good bread was a great feast at that time.

I never can remember having any new clothes or shoes until I was about eleven years old. The first new clothes I remember having was a new dark frock. And this was the first time I remember starting to church, for we young ones had no Sunday clothes until we got great boys and went to work, and then it was generally a long frock to cover the rest of our rags. But I put on my new frock and off I started to church as proud and as smart as anybody. But when I got two fields from home there was a stream, and seeing an eel lay on the mud I tried to catch it. And in I fell, new frock and all. I got out and went dreaning (3) home to my mother, which gave me a good striping and confined me the rest of the day. This was a sad blow to my proud heart.

But to return, being brought up under ungodly parents, we children was very ignorant of our immortal souls. And so I should have remained if the Lord had not been merciful unto me, and snatched poor unworthy me as a brand from the burning. Bless his great and holy name for all his mercies to me, a poor unworthy sinner.

I never went to school but one year and learnt but very little, so that I was almost without learning. But by self practise I learnt to read and write a little, which has been a great blessing to me. Since about the age of twelve years I went to work for my lord, and stayed there about four years. Here I had a bellyful of victuals if I liked to ask for it, but I was such a shy little thing that I often went with half a bellyful rather than ask for it. And I am still under the same spirit for I could suffer anything rather than beg or make my case known (4).

After spending four years in this place I left and went to threshing with my father and came back on scanty food again, and the work being very hard which made me wish very much to get rid of it, which in a few weeks I did and went to a farmhouse for my living again, which I was very glad of. But when I got there the principal food was fat pork and bad bread, and the weather being hot and my stomach very weak, this very nearly starved me.

For a long time my eyes had been on a boy by the name of Sheppard which worked in Squire Cripps’ (5) garden, and I often wished I might have his place, there being a young gentleman of the same size which gave him his old clothes, which made him look very smart on a Sunday.

But while I was at the above place I had two very narrow escapes of my life. Once I was nearly crushed between two cartwheels, and once I took two horses to a pond to water, I rode one and led the other, and while the horses was drinking something frightened them and throwed me off and ran over me. I felt one’s feet hit me as he went over me, but not to hurt me. In this I can trace the hand of the Lord in preserving me.

I very much wanted to leave this place, but could not bear the thoughts of threshing with my father, it being such hard work. But after being there about six months I heard the boy at Esquire Cripps’ was going to leave and how to get at the place I did not know, for I thought my father nor my mother would not go with me, and my master had proposed that I should sleep in the house that night, which I had not done before; this I could not bear the thoughts of as I did so dislike the place and people. But in this perhaps Satan’s hand was in, for they being godfearing people and set under old Mrs. Vinall, and the esquire’s a most ungodly place (6).

But I was so ignorant at that time that I knew nothing of these things, but still used to have very fearful thoughts about God at that time. At last I thought I would go home that night and feign myself ill, and so remain until the next day. And so I did, and the sleep acted very well, for about noon I said I was better, and then I told my mother about the esquire place and asked her to go with me, which she agreed to do at once. And I got the place, to the joy of my heart, which I served four years and a half.

But instead of walking in gentleman’s clothes I had to go in rags nearly two years until I was ashamed to go about (7). I was then nearly eighteen years of age, but I had many a good bellyful of victuals at times. The young gentleman was at the college where I expected my fine clothes. But in course of time he came home for his holidays and I was as ragged and dirty as any poor boy could be, having very dirty work to do and no clothes to change into. So I was quite ashamed to see my young master and kept out of his way as long as I could. But at last he asked to see me. This made my heart pant within me and I was forced to appear in my rags. He spoke very kind to me, and he looked me over from top to toe and so did I him, and I could not help thinking about Tom Sheppard’s fine clothes.

At last he looked me in the face and said, ‘James, should you like to have some clothes?’

I said, ‘If you please sir’.

He said, ‘Then come in before you go home’.

This was almost more than I could stand under. O how I did long for night to come. As soon as my work was done in I went. And a beautiful present I had. There was a parcel of three pair of trousers and two waistcoats, and one coat and hat and a beautiful bible, and on the covers was written, ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you’, but what a long time I was before I took this advice and I never should have done it if the Lord had not put his holy fear in my heart.

But to return, so I went home as proud as the Devil could make me, and to top the job, the next day the footman gave me a pair of Wellington boots. So the next Sunday off I went to church and all eyes was on me. But oh what a monster of iniquity I grew to be. The new bible was put in the box and thought no more of for a long time, but the fine clothes had the first place in my heart. But at this time there was curious thoughts and sometimes conscience would do its duty and not let me rest quiet. But of all the monsters of iniquity that ever I knew, I was equal to. I ran into all manner of unclean¬ness, with greediness, and sometime when I had committed some of the most outrageous things that was ever thought of, then I have been tempted to put an end to my life, to drownd, my trouble being so full of darkness, confusion and remorse. But there being a vile young man in the stables, which would soon put me to rights while I was with him, but as soon as I was in the dark I was most fearful and miserable. O my soul, what can thou render unto thy God who spared thee through all the days of vanity, instead of cutting thee off and justly sending thee where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched, where thou must have been laid in eternal torments through the countless ages of eternity? Bless his great and holy name for his mercy to me a poor sinner.

After four years and a half in this place I left and worked about where I could get for some time, but I was like a fish out of water, for being so fond of sinful habits and my sinful companions. I seemed to have nothing to satisfy my sinful heart.

About the age of twenty I went to live at Ditchling with chapel people. Then, of course, I was a chapel man, and I have heard since that the preacher was a gracious man, but I was so ignorant that I knew not what I heard.

In this place I lived quite a different life and appeared as religious as I could, and my master and mistress thought a great deal of me, and indeed I think my mistress thought too much of me, for she tried me as poor Joseph was tried (8), only not quite so barefaced. But bless the Lord I was not caught in the net.

Bad as I was at this time I was brought very low by sickness and was aforced to go home for a month; and my mistress said if I had died she was sure I should be in heaven, but I believe she knew nothing of her own heart, nor of mine, as she would not utter such a word, for I was only just a little wheywashed, just to please the devil and make room for more evil spirits, which truly was the case. For when I left this place I went and lived as groom with Mrs. Eldridge at Plumpton Place (9), but I could not show myself in my true colours less I should stain my character. But truly I was a monster of iniquity even there, but chiefly under a cloak.

Here I served six months and then I left and worked at whatever I could get to do and lodged with my mother, and having three older brothers at home, and all very fond of drink and company and singing of ungodly song, with these I was drawn into all manner of bad company; and being of a cheerful disposition and a pretty good songster, my company was sought after by many ungodly young men. I followed this course of living about three years and learnt to play music and joined to a band, and this was a snare to me. (10)

About this time I married a young woman, (11) which has since been a comfort to me in spiritual things; bless the Lord O my soul. Now I gave up all hopes of getting on in the world, for when I agreed to be married I had only one sovereign in my pocket to do everything with, and no constant work and winter coming on.

But the week after I agreed to be married a man wanted me to go with his mill cart, which I very gladly accepted. For before I worked in a chalk pit with a set of the most ungodly men that ever I see, and yet in spite of my own conscience I always would be equal to them and generally a little before in all manner of unclean conversation. And yet at this I was very uneasy at times and felt sure I should go to hell if I died as I was. I was nearly crushed to atoms with a fall of chalk at this time, which alarmed me very much for a time, but this soon wore off.

Well off I went to church with my bride and was married as big as anybody with an empty pocket; at least I came home so, for after I bought a wedding ring and a wedding dinner and paid the parson my money was gone and no house furnished. Really things looked very dark, for my wages was but ten shillings per week with the mill cart. Well in a fortnight I hired a room and commenced housekeeping, and one gave me a bit and another a bit, together with our own industry we got on quite comfortable.

Soon after this I went to work for Mrs Barberie (12) and learnt to be a good farmer’s man. This was about the year of 1847. Here I stayed twelve years, and when I left I had six young childs and lost one. Here I had very hard work for both soul and body, for I worked hard and thought hard.

About the year 1852 the holy law of God was brought to my view and showed me what a guilty wretch I was, and I could see no way of escape. But the church parson was always telling me that I must work out my own salvation by fear and trembling, but I believe he told me to do what he never did his self, for I believe his heart remains unchanged unto this day, so I think there’s not much fear and trembling there. But I kept going to hear him, and the longer I went the worse I got until I got quite sick of church, parson, people and all; and what to do I knew not. O the darkness of my mind! I felt as sure of being lost as I was of my own existence. (13)

In this sad plight I went on for a long time. O how I envied the happiness of the brute creation, and how I used to groan out these words: ‘O that I never had been born; O that I was a dog or toad or anything than a man; O that I could sink into nothing and be no more. But no, I am born and must die and come to judgement.’ And O, those solemn words, ‘depart ye cursed into everlasting fire’; O that word everlasting. ‘O my poor soul, never no end to thy torment?’.

In those days of darkness I was racked indeed; I was racked at bed, I was racked at work, I was racked in company. I have been in ungodly company, playing music for them to dance to, when these things would keep uppermost and spoil all my comfort. Then I might seem happy to other people, and as soon as I got away my conscience would begin to flog me most severely, and then I would promise to go no more. But these promises were soon broke and at it I went again in spite of all my convictions.

At last I thought I would try and repent and become a Christian at once, and do all I could to please God. Well at it I went. I got a book called The Whole Duty of Man (14); this serious book set me a greater task than I could perform. And the same time I was reading a book called Baxter’s Call to the Unconverted. (15) These two books set me to work for life with all my might, but the more I worked the further I got behind. I learnt prayers for morning, noon and night, but I soon got tired of them, for I (was) almost sure to forget what I was saying, or drop to sleep on my knees, and I felt so ashamed and confused that I knew not what to do.

Then I thought I would leave the church and go to chapel, there being a little chapel in the parish. And so I did a few times and seemed to hear with some comfort. But many of the hearers was such bad characters that I con¬cluded the chapel people a black lot altogether, and I would have no more to do with them but would go to church and go through all the rules and be a staunch churchman and receive the Lord’s Supper and live a new life altogether, and try to please the Lord with all my heart and soul. This certainly was my intention, but it was not the Lord’s will for he had better things in store for me.

But to return, when I enquired about the Lord’s Supper I found I could not go before I had been confirmed. But soon after this there was to be a confirmation at Westmeston Church. This was given but on a Sunday. I accepted the invitation with a full determination to be a full churchman the remainder of my days.

Well, the day came to go through the form of confirmation, and I went with a number of other poor deceived wretches. But the bishop put his hand on my head and said a short prayer and he addressed us and gave us some very good advice, and home I went. And as I was going home, O what a monster of iniquity I see myself to be. And the rule was to go to church the next Sunday and receive the Lord’s Supper, as they call it. But I felt so un¬worthy that I could not go. (16) This brought the parson (17) and his wife to see me, and he began thus:

‘Well Nye, how was it you was not at the Lord’s Supper last Sunday?’

I said, ‘Because I am not fitten.’

He said, ‘Why are you not fitten?’

I said, ‘Because I am such a great sinner.’

‘O’, said he, ‘you are just the man to come, for Christ died to save sinners.’

‘But’, said I, ‘I wanted to feel better before I come.’ This was about twelve years ago and I am no better yet in myself.

Soon after this, this parson left our parish, and a young man came from the college. (18) This I was very pleased about, for I thought he would preach better, but instead it turned out altogether worse, for he soon began to inter¬fere with the singing, (19) and I seeing what mocking it was to go on as we did for we always sung to the praise and glory of ourselves, instead of singing to the praise and glory of God. But I was so fond of music that I made a complete idol of it, and I am not quite clear of this idolatry now I am writing these lines, for there is something in music and singing which touchest so clean on my natural part that I cannot help being carried away with the sound instead of the substance. (20) But I would not have it so if I could help it. I would always sing to the praise and glory of God and the Lamb.

O what abuse, what mockery and what blasphemy in singing psalms and hymns in the present day, even in churches of truth. What right has an ungodly person to take a part in the service of the sanctuary? If ungodly people come to hear the truth, which they do, none could hinder them from singing with the congregation, and for my part I am glad to see it, for we know not what they were in the purpose of God. But for ungodly people to conduct the singing, this ought not to be. This is my opinion. (21)

But to return, the first thing our new parson did was to try to rule the singing. This soon made a stir amongst us, for we was as selfish as the devil could make us. But this gave me a good opportunity to leave the church, which I did, and this broke up the singing. This made a bigger stir still, for the farmers set at the poor parson for interfering with us. This staggered the poor young man.

However, the singing was broke up and I went to the little chapel and was very gladly accepted. But I found them under the same spirit, all carried away with the sound and missing the substance. Here I was very uneasy and racked, neither could the chapel minister describe my case. Here I kept working for life, but the more I tried the further I got behind in my own sight.

Soon after this Good Friday came, and it was our rule to go to church or not be paid, and I having a large family I could not afford to lose my day. So to church I went and still no singing. And when the service was over the parson sent for me to see him in the church, when the following conversation took place.

‘Well, Nye, I want to know what you are going to do about the singing.’

‘Nothing, sir.’

‘But you are not going to leave the church, I hope?’

‘Yes sir, I am.’

‘Where are you going?’

To chapel sir.’

‘O they have not been ordained.’

‘Have you been ordained, sir?’

‘O yes, I was ordained by the bishop.’

Have you been ordained by God?’

‘I hope I have.’

‘I have heard men preach that have never been ordained that would confound you or any like you, sir.’

‘Well, ours is the right church and none else, and I cannot let you go.’

‘Well, but I shall go, sir.’

‘But I cannot let you go, for I have the care of all the souls in the parish.’

‘Well sir, this is a great undertaking; I hope you will be faithful to your charge.’

‘Well Nye, I have, and I can show you writings to that effect which I received from the bishop, therefore I cannot let you go away.’

‘Well sir, I shall go away.’

‘I hope you will not, for I will make any alteration in my preaching if you will tell me what you do not like.’

‘I don’t wish for that, sir.’ And so we parted.

At this time I was reading Huntington’s Kingdom of Heaven taken by Prayer. (22) This opened my eyes just enough to show me the church people’s darkness. But all this time I was as blind as a bat as to the plan of salvation by a dear Redeemer, and yet I knew I must be born again, but what this could be I could not understand. Here I went on as miserable as any poor sinner could be, without one glimpse of hope of ever being saved. I was so fearful and timid that I was afraid to go to sleep at certain times, less I should wake up in hell. And when I went to sleep I was scared with the most awful dreams that I awoke in such a fright that I really thought I was dying. Then I used to groan out, ‘O lord, have mercy on me, O Lord save me or I perish’. Then when the fright was over I would lay and think of my sad fate. ‘O what shall I do? O that I had never been born. O Lord, do have mercy on me a poor sinner if there is any way left to save me.’

Now the scene was altered. Instead of the merry tunes after work, I began to read the Bible, but always searched for such passages as condemned my wicked life. Then I would give up all hope and think I will live as I list, for I can but be lost. But I could not rest here for no time together.

Now I had left the church and seemed to be pretty well wandered from my carnal companions, which was hard work for a long time. But now there was another trap set to catch me. They was in want of a new clerk at the church, and one of the farmers came to me and said, ‘O master Nye, I think I can get you into a pretty good job. We want a new clerk at the church, and you have a heavy family, I thought it would help you.’

I said, ‘How much shall I have a year?’

‘O’, said he, ‘five pound and fees,’ which was a willful lie on purpose to catch me, for it was only half the money. (23)

The next day after this the parson called and told my wife that he wished to see me at his house that night, and I went according to order and the gentleman received me very kindly, and the first thing was, ‘Well Nye, we want you to be clerk at our church.’

But I said, ‘I am not fit for such an office.’

He said ‘I am sure you are, for the Miss Cripps’ recommended you.’

But I said, ‘I am such a great sinner.’

But he said, ‘What makes you think so, what have you done?’

‘O’, I said, ‘I have done everything that is bad.’

‘O’, said he, ‘I cannot take any denial.’

‘But’, I said, ‘you must sir, for I shall not be clerk, for it is an unreasonable thing for such an unworthy creature as I am to think of such a thing.’ And then I made bold to ask him what he thought of such a man as Mr Huntington. And then he took down a large book with a sort of a history of a great number of dissenting ministers, and he found the history of Mr. Huntington, and said he was an awful man, and that he was possessed with witchcraft. This I could not stand, for I loved the man for the sake of his book which I was reading. And I told him I believed he was a good man. And then he laughed at me. And so we parted, and glad was I to get away. And in less than six months after this the same man was a corpse and his soul in another world. May the Lord preserve me from such blindness, and ever, Amen.

Very soon after this my master (24) wanted me to come up to Falmer to do his gardening, which I was very glad of, for I had a desire to live near Lewes or Brighton, where I could go and have my fill of the preached word. For truly my poor soul was hungering and thirsting after rightness, and bless the Lord, I was not disappointed; for when the set time came my poor soul did bathe in the sunshine of his love and mercy.

But the first thing, when I got to Falmer, I fell in with a few people which met in a house for worship; these people was General Baptists. Here I could not rest but a short time, and yet I sometimes received a little encouragement with these people. But after a time it became a dry breast to me and I left them altogether.

My wife had got an aunt in Brighton which I had heard much about, but never had seen her. So I set off to see her one Sunday morning. And when I got there I liked the look of the dear old woman very much, and she said, ‘Will you go to the chapel with me?’ That was just what I wanted. She took me off to hear that dear man of God, Mr. Grace, (25) and I shall never forget that day, for as soon as he began, he began to trace out the very exercise of my soul from the very beginning; and it really seemed to me as if someone had told him all about me.

His subject was upon liberating the captive and setting the prisoner free. And truly my soul was set free, for I felt as I never felt before. I felt sure if what that man said was true, that I should be saved after all. And how happy I did feel!

But when we got home to the good old woman’s house, she had no need to ask me how I got on, for the tears of joy run so freely that it drawed a fear from her eyes. I think I never loved anyone before as I did that dear old woman. Her husband accidently lost his life by an unruly horse; it was sudden death and no doubt sudden glory, for he was a very gracious man, and the dear old woman mourned her loss to the day of her death.

Well, as we sit talking together she said, ‘Have you a Hart’s Hymn Book (26), James?’ I said, ‘No.’ She went and got an old book and said, ‘Here is my poor husband’s hymn book and I wish you to have it and use it.’ There was something rather strange in the history of this old hymn book. She said, ‘After the death of my husband I gave this book to old Master Friar (27) of Westmeston, which used to walk many miles with my husband to hear Mr. Vinall, but after the death of Master Friar, the book was found thrown outdoors, and picked up and sent to me again, having my husband’s name in it.’

And I have blessed the Lord that it fell in my hands, for when I got out of Brighton I began to read the hymns and I was astonished to see how nicely they told out my feelings, and I was astonished that I never had seen any beauty in Hart’s hymns before. For my mother had a Hart’s Hymn Book laying quite out of use, and I had taken it up many a time and looked at the hymns but could make nothing of them; I thought it an odd lot of poetry, but I have seen something in them since that.

After that I went to hear Mr. Grace for sometime, and I had some very good hearings. And I was so happy and I really thought I should be so the remainder of my days. And when I went home with old aunt I was always so happy and used to sit and tell her all about my experience that I had passed through, and how happy I was; then the poor old woman used to sit and listen, and after shed many tears.

This lasted some time, but at last I began to lose my comforts. And when I was in chapel I was so sleepy that I heard little or nothing about the sermon. And when I have come out I have been ashamed of myself and wished I had not come. I had twelve miles to walk and many times on the road home I have been beset with some temptation, and when I went to see the dear old woman my mouth was shut.

But I soon found she knew better where I was than I knew myself, for she said one Sunday after chapel, and I was very dull and dark, she looked up at me and said, ‘What is the matter, Jim?’

I said I hardly knew, ‘but I am as miserable as anybody need to be’.

‘Ah’, she said, ‘I thought you would come down. You was got too high.’ And so I found it. The dear old woman is now in glory. I believe she died in July 1862.

But to return, at this time I was very hard off in temperal thing. Provision was very dear and we had five in family and none to earn anything but myself. (28) When my wife was confined by the fifth child, one at two years old felled very ill and the doctor said it would not live. And my wife was very weak too for some time. But the Lord was pleased to raise them both up again, to the joy of my heart.

At this time I sat under the ministry of old Mr. Vinall, (29) and many times blessed hearings under him. And many times have I blessed the Lord for raising him up to preach the word.

The next trial was my family; all felled with scarlet fever, which drove me almost to my wit’s end, for I owed the doctor a large bill, and how to go to him again I did not know. But at last I was compelled to go and ask him to come, and he came and attended my family as if I was a gentleman. And some ladies found us out and sent plenty nourishment, which was very wonderful. But who so is wise and will observe these things, even they shall see the loving kindness of the Lord.

After this I went on pretty smooth for some time. About this time a few numbers of the Gospel Standard (30) fell into my hands, and truly I had many sweet times in reading them, and so I have ever since. I can truly say I have received more encouragement in them than any other writings.

At this time I really seemed to have new eyes for the Bible, and all seemed new to me. I never shall forget going over the hill one Sunday morning; I took a little New Testament in my pocket, and when I got on the hill I took the book out to read. As I walked, now thought I, I will read wherever the book opens first. And it opened at the first chapter of the Epistle to the Ephesians, (31) and I never saw such beauty in any thing in my life. I walked and read and wept for joy. And these words seemed just suited to me: ‘And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins’. (32) And indeed the whole of that blessed book was so sweet to me that I really wondered why I had not seen it before. Bless the Lord for opening my blind eyes and giving me a heart to love him and his blessed word and his dear people. If I have no other proof of being a child of God, I have this. I do love the people of God.

The next thing I have to mention I must write with shame, but I will write it for a caution to others that may read these lines less they fall into the same snare, for the thing is known to God that made heaven and earth, and why should I hide it from my fellow sinners? Many people will tell the bright part of their life, but I will be honest and put it down black and white, if there is any white.

About the year 1857 I had a family of six children and was very bad off, for things was very dear, and my wife and family was very bad off for clothes and shoes. But I had one boy which was a shepherd boy on the hill. At this time there was a gentleman riding over the hill, and he lost three five pound notes and knew not the number of any of them. But some days after this my boy found a five pound note, and knew not what it was; he had never seen such a thing. He thought it a very pretty piece of paper so he tore it up and stuck the pretty pieces on his drink bottle. But when the shepherd came he knew it and collected the pieces together, but the part with the number was blown away. But the boy found it after some days blown into a furze bush and brought it home. Before I got the whole of it I went to see the gentleman and show what I had got, and told him the truth how it came torn up and asked him if it was his. And he said he had no doubt of it, but he knew not the numbers of his notes, so he could not claim it. But he came to see me and offered me a sovereign for it. But I had been persuaded to keep it by many, for they said anyone else might lose a note as well as he. But still my conscience flogged me for not giving it up.

Some days I thought I would go at night and give it up at once. But still my covetous heart wanted the five pounds, and the devil suggested to me how nicley it would clothe my wife and family. At last I gave way to other people and my wicked heart and got five pounds for it. But still my conscious kept saying it was wrong. I had been and seen the lawyer before this and he told me no one could claim it without the number, so I was quite safe as regards the laws of man, but his money was a sad grief to me.

This was soon after harvest. I had worked very hard that summer and made a good summer’s work. And when I settled I had five pounds, the most money I ever had in my life. But when I had paid my doctor’s bill, and my shoe bill, and a few other things, my money was all gone and all I had for myself was one pair of stockings, and we were all very short of clothes. And really I could not help murmuring to think how hard I had worked and aforced to pay all my money away in that sort of a way. Also the harvest money was earnt and spent before the other was cashed.

My wife and I started off to shop with the dishonest five pounds and bought a very smart lot of clothes, the children had some blue frocks and most other things was equal to it — all very smart. But before any of it was made up, the Lord laid his hand on our darling child, a beautiful little girl aged 16 months.(33) And I made such an idol of it, I felt that I could die for it; but no, it must die for itself for in three days it was a corpse. It had been poorly some days but not ill. But O, how I cried to the Lord to spare my child, but no, I found he was of one mind and none could turn him.

Now my darling child lay a corpse, and my poor heart full of trouble, and my wife at her wits end. Now the fine clothes was the wrong colour, and what to do we did not know. At last we went to Lewes to ask the draper to exchange the clothes for black, which he very kindly did. Then with burying the child and buying mourning and all together, it left us without money again, and a guilty conscience, and loss of a darling child. We were pretty well paid for our trouble in keeping the money, but thus saith the Lord: ‘If my children forsake my way I will visit their sins with the rod, and their iniquities with stripes. Nevertheless, my loving kindness will not take from them nor alter the thing that is come out of my mouth’. And, bless his great and holy name, he is as good as his word or I should be cut off long ago and sent where hope never cometh.

About this time I was very dark in my soul, but sometimes I got a little encouragement under the word. Now I began to get quite tired of my place, and often prayed that the Lord would open a door for me somewheres else.

In the year 1858 the gardener at Ashcombe (34) died, and I knew not that he was ill so the news came to me quite sudden. But I had often thought I should like the place. As soon as I heard the place was open my mind was impressed to apply for it, and I begged that the Lord would give me a favour with the lady. And indeed, think it was so, for I got the place without any trouble, and the ladies have stood to me through all my troubles for over four years which has been to me nothing but trials and troubles and disappointments. But much consolation with it I have always found, that when trials abound, consolation do much more abound. But sometimes when I had been brought into trouble, that my wicked heart has rose up against it. Then comes in self-pity murmuring, and hard thoughts of God. O this is a sad place for a poor soul to be in. I have felt so racked in these fits of unbelief that I should like to have lain down and died in desperate sorrow. But when the dear Lord breaks the heart with a sense of his goodness it is all right in a moment. Bless the Lord O my soul for his goodness.

But to return, I had got the place at Ashcombe but there was no house for me to live in, so I was aforced to go to Lewes to live. This my wife kicked hard against but I was determined to have my own way. Now I was a gardener of course I must have a respectable house, so I hired one rented at four shillings per week and taxes, and my wage was seventeen shillings per week. So off I went to Lewes to live with six children and my wife and myself made eight in family. But the oldest boy earnt three shillings per week which made up a pound a week altogether. ‘Well,’ thought I, ‘surely I can do pretty well with that.’

But when I got there I learnt a pretty good lesson for there was so many expenses that I never thought of, for with the rent and taxes and firing and baking and children’s schooling all together came to seven shillings and five pence per week; this left twelve shillings and seven pence per week for eight of us to live on. This drove my wife nearly to her wits end, for things was very dear at that time and she kept saying she wished she had never seen Lewes, and so did I but I did not like to own to it.

At this time I was as dark and as dead to the things of God as any poor soul could be, and this was a great disappointment for I thought if I lived in Lewes I should go to the chapel every time the doors was open, and be as happy as anybody could be. But instead of that I had no heart to go at all, and when I did go I dragged there as heavy as possible. And when I was at home my wife was always baiting me about the old house or else the taxes, until I got as hard and rebellious as the Devil could make me, and that for religion I sometimes made up my mind to give up altogether; but this I could not do, try what I would, not altogether.

Soon after I got to Lewes, my wife falled ill and one child, both together, and I was a stranger in the place so I had no friends. And I was only just hand to mouth so I really was in deep distress; and the boy was out of work. What with one thing and another I was in a sad place indeed. And we was all short of clothes and not a farthing to buy any so my children got so ragged that I could not send them to the school on a Sunday, and I had hardly a decent piece of clothes to put on. But my wife and child both got better and the boy got work again and things seemed a little better. But still I could hardly pay my way.

One Sunday morning I had a pretty good dose of old house (35) for breakfast; I most times had it for supper but Sunday morning I had it for breakfast. And to see my children in such a distressed state, and my wife had no desire to go to chapel, putting all these things together I was wretched indeed. Now I determined to go to chapel no more, and have no more to do with religion. So after breakfast I made up my mind to go on the hills for the day where no eye could see me, and not tell my wife where I was going to, for I heard so much that morning about rent and taxes that I was quite out of temper and the old man showed himself in his true colours.

So off I started for the hills, but I went but a very little way before I thought someone would see me, and I should be ashamed of myself. So I turned back and up in the garret I went and threw myself on the bed and made up my mind to stay there all day in desperate sorrow, and I fell to sleep for about ten minutes and awoke as soft and calm as possible, and thought, ‘I will go to chapel now, for who can tell but I may get a blessing after all, and if there is any poor soul stand in need of a blessing I know I do.’ And blessings on the name of the Lord I was not disappointed, for before the minister came in I felt full of the love of God and I had such a blessed view of the saints in glory as I never had before, and I had faith to believe I should be there too after all my rebellion and misgivings. And I went home rejoicing, and bless the Lord for not dealing with me according to my sins, or else he would have cut me off and sent me to everlasting destruction where the worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.

Now my faith was very much strengthened and I felt a delight in the things of God and a love to those that I believed was his people. And I felt a desire to be one with them in Church fellowship, and I wrote out a sketch of my experience and gave it to Mr. E. Bing, (36) which was the only man I could hear in Lewes to profit, and I felt a real love to the man for the truth’s sake. And my account of what the Lord had done for me was laid before the church, and I was accepted, believe me, to be a child of God. But I soon got darkness again and wished I had said nothing about it.

This was in January 1860, and the next month I left Lewes. My mistress hired a house for me at Kingston. Here I have had many great and sore trials but, bless the Lord, I have had many blessings with it in providence and grace. Here I can raise my Ebenezer and say hitherto the Lord has helped me. In this place my wife was brought to a knowledge of the truth, my oldest daughter took her flight to glory, and my poor soul set at sweet and happy liberty. Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his great and holy name.

But I will endeavour to write the account as it stand for three years of conflict and comforts. My wife was very earnest to get to Kingston to live, for then we was going to get on much better. And so we did in soul matters, but the blessings came in such a way as almost drove us to despair.

Soon after we got to Kingston my wife fell ill and continued so about six weeks. Before she was fit for much and as soon as she was recovered, my oldest boy was taken ill and was forced to have a doctor, and the only one that earnt anything. He has been in bed ever since, which is over three years. With the boy’s earnings we was going to pay our debts, but his money was stopped at once. Then all depended on my wages.

But soon after this the youngest child fell ill and all hopes of recovery was gone, for the doctor said it must die. And they was so ill that we hardly knew which would die first. But the Lord was pleased to raise the youngest up again. But the poor boy still laid very ill and required a great deal of nourishment and we was quite strangers in the place and what to do I did not know. And I got as hard and rebellious as I could be; I thought the Lord was become exceeding cruel to me and, O woe, I cried to the Lord to raise my boy. I felt that I must have him raised up again. But no, I found the Lord was of one mind and none can turn him.

But the Lord touched the hearts of many kind friends and help came in so wonderful way which quite astonished us. And the doctor attended for a long time and done the best he could until his bill run up to over four pounds, which I never have been able to pay, but I have faith to believe I shall not die in debt to my fellow man, but I believe I shall die adebted to mercy.

Well the doctor thought it best to send the poor boy to the hospital. And he went and lay there seven months and then came home incurable. While he lay there my wife was confined by the eighth child. Here I saw the hand of providence in a very wonderful way and also in bringing her through nature’s sorrow.

At this time my oldest girl was very useful and all things seemed to go on quite smooth except the poor boy which was at the hospital; this was a setfast trouble. In the spring of 1861 we got our oldest girl a place in Brighton with, I believe, a God-fearing woman. And the poor girl was very glad for the sake of her brother at the hospital. But soon after she got there we had a letter to fetch the boy home for they could do no more for him. This sad letter put me to a stand. And soon after I got him home I had a letter to say the girl was very poorly and I went to see her and flattered myself it was only a cold. Here I was mistaken, for the Lord had better things for her than the vanities of this sinful world. In a week after this she was forced to come home and she sunk into a galloping consumption and was gone in three months from the time she first took poorly. But, bless the Lord in his goodness, I believe she is now in eternal glory, but as I intend giving a full account of her hereafter, I shall go on with my tale.

When the girl came home I had seven in family and none to earn a farthing but myself and the two oldest in bed, both incurable. And I owed the doctor so much money I could not go for him any more. And what to do I did not know, and both wanted a deal of nourishment which I could not get. Although I had some kind friends, now I was in a sad state indeed and what to do I did not know. And the poor girl kept saying she could not see why she could not have a parish doctor, for then she should have nourishments allowed her for she knew I could not buy what she stood in need of. Now I was in heartfelt trouble. I had never gone to a parish for anything, and being away from my own parish I thought I should not get any help if I tried. And I had had so much from my mistress for the poor boy that I could not ask for any more, and indeed I never could beg, for I never was brought up to that trade.

Sometimes we done very well for a day or two, and sometimes very bad. At last I see the poor girl was sinking very fast and how to give her up I did not know. O how I cried to the Lord to spare my girl, for we could not discover that she was a partaker of grace at this time. The poor girl seemed as hard as stone, and so did I and I could not yield to the way of the Lord. I could beg that my children might be spared, but I could not say from my heart ‘Thy will be done’.

At last I made up my mind to try for a parish doctor and it was granted and he came and allowed the girl some mutton and a little port wine. But the wine was not enough to have a little every day. (37) I went home to dinner one day and found my wife very low and full of trouble. She said she had no wine for the girl and no money to buy any and that I must ask for some. I said I could not beg and I stood to my word. But I begged that the Lord would appear, and truly he did appear, for at night when I got home I found my wife as cheerful and as happy as possible, which I was very much surprised at for I fully expected it very unpleasant because I had not got any wine for the poor girl. But I soon found there had been a friend along. A gentleman had been and given her five shillings and she had sent and bought a bottle of wine and what she stood in need of. This was a great blessing and it rejoiced our hearts.

But the child kept getting worse and worse until we were very much alarmed, and my mistress sent her doctor to decide what her disease was. And when he came he said that one part of her lungs was quite gone and the other fast going, and she might not last more than a week. This was almost heart breaking for us to hear, and how to give her up we did not know. But the next Sunday, as I was going to chapel, walking and weeping over my hard lot, all in a moment I was enabled to say, ‘the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away; and blessed be the name of the Lord.’ And here I lost a great part of my burden. But it was a very sore trial for my poor wife.

When the poor girl first learned that her time was short she seemed to fight against death. But the Lord enabled her to give it all up and she longed to depart. And we have every reason to believe that the Lord was merciful unto her.

But there was one thing lay very heavy on our minds. That was my wife and children was so destitute of clothes and shoes that I could not send them to the Sunday school, and we expected death in the family every day, and what to do I did not know. At last I was enabled to open my case to a friend, not thinking of any help at the time. But just before the child died (38) three friends called and one gave us six shillings, and another gave us two and sixpence, and our pastor gave us eight shillings, and two friends gave us five shillings and Mrs (X) gave the children some black clothes and my wife a black gown, and some other friends several useful little things which was very useful.

A few days after this the poor girl died, which was her heart’s desire for many days. And when I saw my wife and children dressed to follow her to the grave I was so overcome that I knew not what to do with myself to see how well we was prepared for after all our heart sinkings and unbelief. But we are so apt to look at the dark side of everything and meet trouble half-way, instead of looking unto the Lord and trusting in him. My reader may think me a hard-hearted father, but when we got to the grave I felt full of joy and peace and blessed the Lord for taking my child. O, thought I, what a desirable place for the believer, free from all sorrow and cares, no more doubts and fears, no more tempting devil to harass the poor soul; bless the Lord for his goodness to poor unworthy me.

Now the poor girl was gone I thought of having no more from the parish, but when the doctor came he said he should put some nourishment on the afflicted boy for he stood in need of it. So he put one pint of porter per day and two pound of mutton per week. (39) This soon raised a storm which caused me a deal of trouble, for the governor of the place (40) tried all he could to turn me out of house and home. But in this he was mistaken for he caused himself more trouble than he did me, and I can see him a chained enemy unto this day. He has turned many a poor family out doors in a week’s notice, but when he had to do with a poor child of God he got defeated.

Soon after the boy got his nourishments put on, old Mr. Hodson came to me one night as soft as butter and said, ‘O Master Nye, will you go to Lewes with me to see where you belong?’

I said, ‘I belong to East Chiltington, but I paid ten pounds one year for a house at Lewes. I don’t know if that makes any difference? But if it will oblige you I will go and find out the rights of it.’

So we agreed to meet at Mr. Kell’s (41) office the next morning. And so we did, and then I found the old sly fox out, for he was laying a plot to get me and my family out of the parish. But he has not done it yet, and this was two years ago. But as soon as we got into the office the clerk said, ‘Well, Mr. Hodson, you have no need to trouble yourself about Nye, for I have seen the guardian of Chiltington and he said they know Nye very well, and he shall have what he stands in need of for his sick boy’.

But I had let the cat out of the bag in telling him about the ten pound house. I had a pretty good dressing before about the old house, but now I found there was to be a little more of it. But it all turned out for our good at the end. But now the old man took advantage of what I told him, and said, ‘But Nye paid ten pounds per year for a house in St. Anne’s parish, and I think that will throw him on that parish’.

Then the clerk said, ‘If you do that you will have to remove Nye and his family’.

Then I spoke up, for I could discover the secret. I said, ‘Now, Mr. Hodson, I can see what you are up to. I can see you mean to throw me out of house and home if you can’.

He said, ‘That has got to be proved’. And true enough it was, but to the malefaction of his old covetous heart. So, according to his wish, the clerk took a statement of my family, and a statement of how I hired the house in St. Anne’s. And when he had the truth and saw my secrets he saw I certainly belonged to St. Anne’s parish. So on the next week I went to the County Hall and was sarn (42) to the parish of St. Anne’s, Lewes — myself, my wife and my six children.

Then the old man thought he had gained his point, but here again he was mistaken. According to law I was to be carried to the parish I was sarn to. (43) This very much staggered me and caused me to cry to the Lord for help, for how to bear to see the poor afflicted boy harassed about I did not know. But the Lord fought my battle for me. Now I knew I was under the orders of removal and what the result might be I did not know. Sometimes I thought I might lose my place, then should be forced into the union. Old unbelief said that would be sure to be the case. But I kept crying to the Lord and begging that he would appear. But I was almost in despair at times and knew not what to do. (44)

One night, as soon as I got home, the old man came brisking along as nimble as a young man with his heart full of joy, for he had got, a printed order from the magistrates to remove me and my family into St. Anne’s workhouse. But he came very soft for he was very glad. But here I was not alarmed for I was aware of the danger and I knew the only one that could befriend me was the doctor, and I had been and seen him and asked him if he would let my afflicted boy be removed into the workhouse. He said no, he was not fit to be removed and he would dare anyone to touch him without his orders. This was all unknown to the old man.

So the old gent brought his order and read it down to me and said, ‘There, Master Nye, you see that it is quite right’.

I said, ‘Yes sir, but we have had it all according to law?’

He said, ‘Yes’.

And I said, ‘You will not do anything contrary to law, will you?’

He said, ‘No’.

‘Then,’ I said, ‘you must not touch my boy then, except you have a certificate from the doctor.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘The doctor told me so.’

‘Then,’ he said, ‘I must see further into it,’ and went off as surly as a bear.

Now I rested quiet for twelve months except his turning his sheep and stock into my garden and eating all my things. This he served me two years running. But now the old fox got in trouble himself, for he got me sarn to St. Anne’s parish unknown to the officers of that parish, and when they had knowledge of it they tried the case over again, and had a counsel opinion on it, and cost a deal of money which he had to help pay. And after all I belong to St. Anne’s parish. And all the harm the old man done me was he got me a settlement in a better parish and got my boy seven pints of porter and two pound of mutton per week. This was settled on him for life except he should get better, which he never will according to all appearance.

And I can bless the Lord for his goodness unto me a poor sinner, for I believe the Lord’s hand has been in the matter all through the piece, and I believe he will bring me through at last to the glory of his holy name.

So my enemy was defeated so far but he was not tired out, so old as he was. I believe he was in his 84 year when he first set at me. Now the next thing was to get the house thrown into the farm and then warn me out. This house did not belong to the farm when I went there. So he applied to the landlord and got the house and give six months’ warning. But when the time was up I would not remove without two doctors’ opinion on my afflicted boy. Now the case was in the court of law, Lewes, as my mistress was the householder and I was her tenant. So now the old man had more power to fight against than ever and I had more friends, for my master is a lawyer and he told them all plain that he did not intend to have his man put about unfair. So it was agreed to have two doctors to decide whether we could remove the boy or not. But when they had seen him they both sent to my master to say he could be removed but not without great danger. So the lawyers would not allow it to be done. This was twelve months ago and here I am now and it appears I shall be as long as the poor boy lives, to the mortification of my poor old enemy. And may the Lord forgive him and call him out of nature’s darkness before he closes his eyes in death, if it is his will. This ends the history of my old enemy up to the 5 day of May 1863.

Now I will return to the time that I lost my beloved daughter, which I believe was sanctified to my partner in life, as well as myself. From that time on there has been a great change in her. Truly she has been a solitary one ever since, for she has been completely separated from the people of the world and the perishing things of the world, and she has always been longing for the company of the people of God. And I believe her poor soul has been longing and thirsting after righteousness, and such are pronounced blessed. And many a time I begged to the Lord to have mercy on my wife and children, and now I can bless his great and holy name for what he has done for us poor unworthy sinners.

Now there was another trial which very much upset me. I owed Mr. Payne of Lewes at the clothes shop, the sum of ten pence. He sold me three pair of boots warranting them to be good, which was very false. I paid ready money all but ten pence, which I had not got. And when I proved the boots to be very bad I was determined not to pay the ten pence. The boots was gone in about six weeks. I bought three pair and paid him one pound and left ten pence on book. This went on for some time. At last he sent me a County Court summons and I appeared according to order. But before I could get in court my case was over and orders to pay the bill, which I intended doing. But before I paid it Payne took out an order to seize my things and three men came to my house on that purpose. And as I was going home I met one of my children running furiously, and said, ‘O father, there are three men come to take our things’.

I knew very well what was up, and my old man was up in arms in a minute and I took a hedge stake on his shoulder, and I was going to clear the house. But as soon as I got home the new man said, ‘You had better pay the money and let the men be gone’. And so I did and was glad to see the back of them. So reader, you see what a little fire will do. If I had paid the ten pence I should have saved all that trouble, and instead of ten pence I had to pay seven shillings and six pence. I wrote this for a caution to others not to play with a man of the world, for he will show you no mercy if you do.

From this time we went on pretty smooth for some time; my wife and I both pulled one way in the things of God and the things of the world. Cooking on the Lord’s day was done away, which I had desired for years, and she was always ready to go to chapel whenever she could. Really these things rejoiced my heart because I could see the change was wrought by the Lord.

About this time I had many a good hearing under the word, but still I could not say, ‘O my Jesus, thou art mine,’ but I had faith that I should some day. And bless the Lord I was not disappointed. I could then say with love, ‘Come unto me all ye that fear the Lord, I will (tell) you what he has done for my soul’.

On January the 6, 1862, I was sitting in the little tool house at Ashcombe and reading the happy death of a dear child of God in the Gospel Standard, and it was truly sweet to my soul. And I put the book on one side and was thinking and blessing the Lord for his goodness and mercy to his dear servant, when in a moment the blessed spirit came into my poor soul with such power that I cried out with my very heart and soul, ‘0 my precious Jesus, what shall I render to thy great and holy name?’ Then I fell on my knees and poured out my heart and soul in humble praise unto his great and holy name for his goodness to me, a poor unworthy sinner, and 0, what a monster of iniquity I saw myself to be. The sweetness of this blessing lasted many days and these words of Hart’s suited me very well, and was continually on my mind:

I bless the Lord with mind and heart,
His people and his ways;
Envy and pride and lust depart
And all his works I praise.

Nothing but Jesus I esteem,
My soul is now sincere;
And every thing that’s dear to him
To me is also dear.

But now I will say:

More frequent let thy visits be,
Or let them longer last;
I can do nothing without thee,
Make haste my God, make haste.

But since that time I have felt as if I never had a blessing and Satan has tried to persuade me this was his power and that he only gave me a puff up with pride, and I have had the face to tell him to do it again if he is so clever, but this he cannot do. He can praise a poor soul, but he cannot make us happy.

Now I come to some providential mercies which have been a great blessing to me in the greatest time of need. I have had many kind friends all through my troubles at Kingston, and many little helps have we had at the greatest time of need. But I will try and name a few of the principal such as I could see the hand of the Lord in.

In the autumn of 1862 I was sitting one Saturday evening musing on my hard fate, and self pity was at work very strong, and all my debts was brought to my mind and one particular. I owed a man seventeen shillings and six pence and could not get a shilling towards paying him. I can just feed my family but nothing for clothes or to pay debts. Well I felt sure the man would call for his money that night and how to face him I did not know. And every feet I heard I thought it was him coming and was so full of confusion that I knew not what to do. How many times have I cried to the Lord to open some way that I might pay my lawful debts or give my creditors palations to wait until I could pay them. In this I have had my wish, for some who I owed a little money have never troubled me.

But at this time the Lord appeared in a wonderful way, for the next morning when I got in chapel, an old gentleman asked my old friend who I was. But I knew not what he said to him, but he came to me and gave me a half sovereign and asked after my family. But I was so overcome that I went and sat down and thanked the Lord for his goodness. But the same friend came to me and said, ‘Here is a little more if it is any good to you,’ which made up eighteen shillings and six pence. And when I got home my wife would not believe the money was mine, but when I told her the thought, she wept for joy and I blessed the Lord for his goodness. This satisfied that man that I was so much afraid of.

At this time I was only just hand to mouth, being eight of us to live on fifteen shillings per week. And now there was another trial in sight, my wife must have her ninth child and not a shilling in hand. And now old unbelief and old self-pity and sometime the Devil for all that I know, all got to work together. My wife said she should die and she was not sure of Heaven; but here I had the best of it, for I felt quite sure she would go to heaven if she did die. But I got in such a state that sometimes that old unbelief said my wife would die and leave me with my six children and perhaps seven, and old self-pity would say, O what state you would be in, you are bad enough now and then it will be ten times worse. And the old enemy suggested that ’twas no use to put in ifs and buts for it would be sure to be so, and then you will turn out to be a hypocrite. But, bless the Lord, I have proved all these three to be liars.

But really things looked very dark, for my wife had no baby linen and I had no money to buy any. But I knew if I met with a friend I must keep it for expenses. Well, I had a friend gave me five shillings and I kept it to myself, for I felt sure my wife would find friends to help her out. But I told her (somehow she found out — deleted, Ed.) I had got the five shillings. And she told me of it, on a Sunday morning, and not in very good temper, and she said she thought we must be unequal coupled, or I should not keep money unknown to her, when I knew how she wanted it.

This throwed me into darkness and confusion, and off I went to chapel, more fit to go into a dungeon than the house of God. But I could just cry for the Lord to appear for me and not cut me off in my sins. And truly the Lord did appear, for when I got to chapel, a gentleman came to me and shook hands with me and left a sovereign in my hand, and I had a good hearing.

And when I got home my wife was very dull and sulky. And when I had done my dinner I called her up stairs and said, ‘Look here, I had this given to me today and I will give you half to get what you want’. This put her unbelief to the blush, and I believe all the medicine in the doctor’s shop could not do her so much good, for she was very poorly but this made her quite alive, and she told me that afternoon that she could thank the Lord for all he hath laid upon us.

I think that nature never taught this lesson; no nature never can rejoice in tribulation. It is a very easy thing to thank and bless and praise a giving God, but there must be something more than nature to thank and bless and praise a taking God. I, as any poor sinner, have been unable to do this with my heart and soul, especially on the death of my dear girl. But my bowels of nature often yearn after her. But in my right mind I could not wish her back again.

But now there was another lesson for me. My wife failed ill and my poor boy was very ill, and the young children very poorly. This seemed too much for me, and I sank in despair and such a fit of rebellion and self-pity came on me that I sank very low, and I could not yield to the ways of the Lord. And I got so hard and rebellious that I gave up family worship, and everything seemed against me. And when Sunday came I went to chapel with my wife and children and all on my back and everything against me. But, bless the Lord, I did not go home so, for our beloved pastor went right into my case. His text was, ‘If you know these things, happy are ye if ye do them,’ and he spoke particularly on the neglect of family prayer. And I felt myself very guilty and went home determined by the help of the Lord to neglect it no more. And when I opened my mouth that night what a spirit of prayer I had. Here the Lord’s own promise was fulfilled when he says, ‘Open your mouth and I will fill it’.

But now the day of trial drawed nigh with my wife and how to meet the expense I did not know, for I must have a nurse in the house, and I was afraid I should not keep her well enough.

As I was getting ready for chapel one morning I was thinking, if I had ten shillings I could do very well, and I believed I should have it, but I knew nothing which way it would come. And so it did, for before I got in the chapel I had a sovereign given me, and who can say the hand of the Lord is not in these things. I believe it is, and can bless and praise his great and holy name for it.

But one thing I ought to have named before, I was getting very short of clothes and I said to my wife one night, ‘I wish someone would give me a pair of trousers and a waistcoat and an old overcoat to wear to chapel on cold nights’.

She said: ‘I dare say you will have it’.

But a few days after my master said, ‘Nye, if you call at my house some day when you are in Lewes, I have some clothes for you’.

This was good news for me and I knew he had a deal of left off clothes. Now my old covetous heart told me that I should have such a lot that I should not be able to carry it home, and I had better carry a large basket and have the wheels to drive it home. But when I went I had just what I had spoken of, a good warm outer coat and a good pair of trousers and a good waistcoat. And whoso is wise and will observe these things, even they shall understand the loving kindness of the Lord.

Now the time came for earnest prayer to the Lord for help. My wife was taken ill and I sent for the doctor, but to no purpose for it went five weeks before deliverance time. This put the doctor out of temper and he stormed the house and went off and left us. Now I prayed that my wife might be delivered without the aid of any human arm, and I told the Lord if he would indeed deliver my wife and give her a man child his name should be Ebenezer, (45), and that is his name, for he was born two hours before the doctor got there. And I learnt after that my wife had prayed for the same thing, and the day before all fear of death was taken away and that she felt she was well, come life or come death. Hitherto the Lord has helped me up to the 1 day of May 1863, and I can bless his great and holy name for all his goodness and mercy to me a poor sinner.

Now my wife had told the Lord, if he would have mercy upon her, that she would make an open confession whose she is and whom she serves. And the Lord has been very merciful unto her and brought her through her trouble, and blessed her soul with joy and peace in believing.

Now I find it just as John Bunyan says:

‘A Christian man is seldom long at ease,
For when one trouble is gone
Another doth him seize.’

And so I find it now, for as soon as my wife was a little restored, I had a bill came of ten shillings and six pence, and to be paid month or a county court summons. This rested very heavy on my mind for I could not see how I could pay it. But here I was delivered again, for a friend gave me a half a sovereign, and I know it was the Lord for I had not mentioned the case to anyone, and I can bless the Lord for his helping hand. No rich man can bless the Lord for these helps by the way.(46)

Now, according to promise, I will try and give a little account of my beloved daughter Naomi, who fell asleep May the sixteenth 1861, aged 15 years, with that fearful disease, the galloping consumption, which carried her to the tomb in three months, and I believe she is now singing salvation to God and the Lamb. I wrote an account of her death at the time, which is in the hands of some friends. And I f I do not write the same word for word, I hope I shall not alter the substance of it, but if I add a little more to it, I hope the Lord will enable me to do it for his own glory.

There was something in her rather noted from an early age. She never desired the company of other children and often spoke very solemn on death, and particularly the death of the wicked. She was ever fond of reading and singing of hymns and anthems. And if she ever done anything which she thought was wrong, she would come and confess it to her mother. And if there was anything with her mother and father wrong, she would try all means to make peace.

I mention these things to show that it was not actual sin that laid so heavy on her mind on her deathbed, for I believe but few girls of her age knew so little of the vanities of the world as she did. But the Lord was pleased to show her, young as she was, and to feel it too, that in her, that is her flesh, dwelt no good thing.

We got her a place at Brighton and I believe with godfearing people, which gave her a bible which her mistress told me she often found her reading alone after her work was done. She had been there but a short time when she was taken ill and was aforced to come home and kept getting worse until we was very much alarmed. And the doctor sent by my mistress said she might be gone in a week, for one lung was gone and the other fast going.

This solemn account was heartfelt trouble, for we had no clear evidence that the Lord had put his holy fear in her heart. But about Christmas before, we saw a change in her for she was become very serious and spoke very serious about death and especially sudden death. For a long time before this she was very fond of reading the Gospel Standard, especially the deaths of the people of God. And she became more and more separate from the world, for she could not endure the trifling talk of a young girl of her age.

Now when she learnt that her time was short she seemed to fight against death. When I got home the day the doctor had seen her she said, ‘I may get better now if I eat and drink well, for there is nothing impossible with God’.

I said, ‘No, there is nothing impossible with God, but I hope you will not flatter yourself about getting better, for your case is very dangerous’. This cut me to the heart, and so it did my dear child, but I dared not flatter her seeing her time was short.

But the next day she was enabled to give it all up, and she never seemed to have a wish to get better from that time. But we often found her weeping and when we asked her what was the matter, and what she cried for, she said, ‘Because my heart is so hard and I cannot pray’. This gave us a good hope that the Lord had been merciful unto her.

At this time the church parson came to see her very often but could give her no comfort. At last I asked her if she should like to see Mr. Vinall. (47) She said yes. And he came and see her and had some very comfortable talk with her, and I asked her how she liked him. She said, ‘Very much’. I said, ‘Why do you like him?’ She said, ‘Because I prayed for just what I want, and I traced out all my feeling and now I can go on.’

Now her faith was very much strengthened, but her bodily strength sank every day and she longed to depart. From this time her mother asked her every day if she would like to get better, and the answer was ‘No’. And when we asked her if she should be happy, she said, ‘Yes, I know I shall, for the Lord never caused me to shed so many tears in prayer and reading the bible and shut me out of Heaven at last’.

These things rejoiced my heart and I could give her up with my whole heart and soul. One day her mother heard her singing; she was singing with a very feeble voice these words:

‘Musing on my habitation, musing on my heavenly home,
Fills my soul with holy longing, O my Jesus quickly come,
O receive me Lord, I long to be with thee.’

She said one day, ‘I shall never sing this beautiful anthem any more with father, but I shall sing with a clear voice when I get home’.

She told me of going to chapel one evening and this was the text: ‘These are those that came up out of great tribulation and have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb’. She said she had never forgot that summer, and she said, ‘I shall have white garments, too’.

A few days before she died I asked if she was afraid to die. She said, ‘No’.

I asked upon what ground she thought to go to heaven. She said, ‘Through the mercy of God’.

I said, ‘Not by your own good?’

She said, ‘No’.

I said, ‘Do you believe that Christ came down unto this sinful world to suffer, bleed and die for poor, lost, ruined sinners?’ She said, ‘Yes’.

I said, ‘And do you believe that he rose again for our justification?’

She said, ‘Yes,’ and she said, ‘I believe he will come again at the last day to take vengeance on those that know not God.’

As her end drawed near she would often pray for the Lord to come and take her. At last the time came and her happy spirit took its flight to God, that gave it without a groan, and blessed are the dead that die in the Lord, on May 16 1861, aged 15 years.

My afflicted boy is now over 15 years old. We have but a little knowledge of him in soul matters, but he is very honest; he will take nothing to himself fearing it does not belong to him. But he has a hope it will be well at last, and so have I.

May 17th (1863): (48) Heard Mr. Dann (49) from these words, ‘Who hath delivered us from the wroth to come.’ And, bless the Lord, I came from chapel rejoicing in His great and holy name for what he has done for my poor soul, because I believe I am interested in the precious truth that I heard, and bless the Lord for the same, and hope for more of that precious faith to mixt(?) with the word that in all things his name may be glorified, and my poor soul comforted and built up, Amen.

September 1863: Here I set up another Ebenezer (50) for the Lord has been very merciful to me a poor rebellious sinner. I was sunk so low in a fit of rebellion that I concluded I should go to chapel no more, neither pray with my family any more, but spend the rest of my life in desperate rebellion. O what a solemn thing for dear friends to grieve one another and cause so much grief, but bless the Lord, the snare is broken and the bird escaped.

Reader, if you wish to quench a fire never add more fuel, less you make a fire unquenchable, but rather put a little cold water to it and try to cold it down; I mean you had better use cold water when your friend is angry. (51) ‘Blessed is the peacemaker and they shall inherit the earth,’ says our blessed Lord, whose words must be fulfilled. I find it an evil thing to sin against the Lord. May the Lord keep us for the time to come and his name shall have the praise.

November 8th, 1863: Yesterday I had a good day altogether, for I believe the Lord is doing great things for my afflicted son. He had a very blessed visit so that he felt that he could die in peace. He is over 16 years of age and is very weak in body and looking for death every day, and is longing for a clearer manifestation of the Lord to his soul.

April the 4th, 1864: Since I last wrote I have passed through many dark days and the evils of my heart have been opened up to my view in a most fruitful manner, but it hath learnt me that I have not one stone to throw at the vilest wretch upon earth. I have a nature in me that is virtually all sin and if I was left to myself it would break out and bring a disgrace on myself and also the cause of God. I hope the Lord will keep me by his mighty power and then I shall be safe. Satan is a crafty foe, for he first tempts to sin and then turns accuser.

My mind hath been very busy this winter in writing poetry and composing music. (52) When I consider my beginning as a poor unlearned creature I seem quite a mystery to myself. I have often wished in my heart that I might be of some service to the people of God, and it might be that the simple verses that I have wrote, if circulated, might be, in the hands of the Lord, the means of comforting some weak believer, and then my end will be answered and the Lord’s name be glorified.

‘God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform’, and so I have proved it to be many times in providence and grace. And I have another proof of it in my afflicted son, for the church parson (53) came to see him and finding that he believed in the doctrine of election, he began to reprove him and told him that it ought to be kept in the background. This raised my son to a state of great boldness, and he took his bible in his hand and brought forth so many texts to prove the truth that the reverend gentleman was forced to own it was true, but still insisted upon keeping it in the background. And he said, ‘How can I bear to think that God will choose some of my dear friends and my dear children and leave the rest to be lost?’ And so he must have the purposes of God to suit his natural feelings. But the poor boy defended the truth as faithful and bold as any old, experienced Christian until the poor man got out of temper and said he never came to be taught by a little boy. The conversation lasted more than an hour, and I believe that the parson never heard such a sermon before from a boy at seventeen years old.

But after it was over the poor boy was afraid he had done wrong and so was I in one sense, for as he stands in need of friends in a temporal way, we do not wish to give offence to anyone. But here again we see the hand of the Lord, for this very circumstance brought four more friends to see him and have administer to his comforts. These friends are all church people and one a clergyman and they have read this book and have not taken offence, and I hope the Lord will bless them for their kindness. And I am glad the clergyman of the parish has not taken offence, for he has been and seen him since, and spoke very cold and calm to him and told him that he could lay and preach and do a deal of good, but I think it was not spoken from his heart. I think it my duty to live at peace with all men as much as possible. (54)

July 19 (1864): We have had at Lewes four most excellent lectures on popery by an Irishman who has been called out of that idolatrous worship. He is travelling from town to town exposing the abominations of the Church of Rome in a most faithful way, and also preaching the precious truth of the Gospel and his own interest therein. He told us he brought three hundred pounds with him when he came to England and has spent every farthing in going about trying to warn us poor Englishmen against popery. And he declares that England is encouraging it in Ireland and I believe that we shall be given over to Rome for the chastisement of our sins. Shame upon old England to have men from Ireland to reprove us of our sins, when England ought to send men there to try to deliver them from blindness and super¬stition. If it should please the Lord to give us over to Rome I believe there will not be one in an hundred that will stand. I have heard some say, ‘O we could be Roman Catholic outwardly and Christians in our hearts,’ but the Lord will not have his people to act such cowardly part, for he says, ‘Come out of her my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins and that ye receive not of her plagues,’ (Revelations C.18/v4); (55) ‘For her sins have reached unto heaven and God hath remembered her iniquities’ (v5). May the Lord make me worthy to suffer for his sake.

September the 11th (1864): Here again I raise my Ebenezer and bless the Lord that I am not cut off in my sins. Therefore I can sing of mercy, for I confess I am no better in myself than other poor sinners who are left to die in their sins.

We have had a very solemn case at Kingston. Mr. J. Hodson, who has (been) so hot against me, is dead and buried, and it is said he killed himself drinking and died almost mad. O Lord, grant that I may live the life of the righteous and die the death of the righteous, and may my end be like his and glory shall resound to thy great and holy name. Amen.

1865 March the 3: This day Mr. Grace (56) entered his eternal rest, which is a great loss to his church and people. May the Lord raise up more such faithful men if it is his blessed will.

November the 13 (1865): This day has been a good day to me. I have had many dark days and have sunk so low that I concluded my former experience was all a delusion, and I have been tempted to destroy this book. But I went to chapel this morning out of a form, not expecting anything, and Mr. Anscombe (57) preached from these words: ‘The Lord will not cast off for ever, though he cause grief yet will he have compassion to the multitude of his mercies,’ (Lamentations 3 chapt. 31-32 verse). Under this sermon I got a little encouragement, for which I was very thankful. I went again in the evening to hear Mr. Dann and behold he preached from the same words. This sermon gave me a good lift by the way. Bless the Lord, O my soul.

November 22 — 1865: Here again I have cause to bless the Lord for his great mercy to me a poor sinner in suffering me to live, but it (is) because his mercy endureth for ever. Truly I am sick of myself and all the perishable things below the sun.

Oh when will that bless’d time arrive,
When I shall flee away
To join the bless’d redeem’d with blood
In realms of endless day.
When shall I speed my way to God
With heaven in my soul;
With garments washed in Jesus’ blood,
To receive a crown of gold.
To join that mighty multitude,
Who sojourned here below,
And battles hard as I do now
With sin and grief and woe.
These all was saved by saving grace
All given entirely free;
And I can praise my saving God
Who gave that grace to me.
O wash me Lord from day to day
In thy redeeming blood;
And fit me for that blessed day,
To stand before my God.

J. Nye

December the 5, 1866: Here again I have to record the goodness of the Lord in bringing my dear wife through her trouble and giving us another living child, and also in raising up a friend to supply our wants, and sparing of us, and bearing with our manners in the wilderness. Blessed be the name of the Lord for all his goodness and mercy through the last year.

I am still confined at Kingston through my afflicted son who is still lying in a very weak state of body, but his mind is very calm and stayed trusting in the Lord. But I have a daily cross being aforced to have to do with one of the worst characters under the sun, one that has the form of godliness in the head, but by actions proves to be destituted of the true fear of God in the heart. May the Lord in mercy remove that ungodly person away from me, but I know I must be in the world but I hope I am not of the world, and I know the path to heaven is through much tribulation. I hope the Lord will keep me walking in that old beaten path.

At the beginning of this winter things looked very dark. There was six children to provide for and looking for the seventh, and provisions very dear and my wife very poorly. Sometimes I felt very low in spirit and I felt myself such a poor unworthy creature that it would be sure to be very bad with me. For I thought it most likely my wife would die and leave me with the lot, and if not I should be sure to have a poor disformed baby, for I am not worthy of anything else. But, blessed be the name of the Lord, all my unbelief is put to the blush, for with the goodness of the Lord and kind friends, I have been well provided for and my wife is as well as ever she was. And I have one of the finest babies in England, and all this come through the goodness of the Lord, for the hearts of all men are in the hands of the Lord. No poor sinner can be more thankful than I am for the kindness of a dear friend in the time of need. And yet when I have received a temporal blessing from a friend I always thanks the Lord for it, believing it came from him, and then begs the Lord will return a spiritual blessing for a temporal one.

July the 4 — 1866: I have great cause to be thankful to the God of all my mercies, for truly the Lord is good to me, a poor sinner. Twelve months ago I was in very bad health and my health seemed broke up, and my poor wife was in a great deal of trouble about me, and no wonder with six children and the oldest in bed and another on the road. But, bless the Lord, I am as well as ever I was, and so is all my family except one. Glory to the name of a good and gracious God who has fed and clothed me all my life long up to this day, and I believe has redeemed my poor soul from everlasting death.

Gracious God be pleased to keep
Our souls from Satan’s power;
Put forth thy hand and hold us fast
In every trying hour.

November the 8 (1867 [?]): Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his great and holy name. Although I find the days of darkness to be many, yet I would give up the little hope that I have got. I often gets my faith strengthened under the preached word and I often have faith to believe it will be well with me at last. I have great cause to be thankful to the Lord for his great mercy to my wife and children. The Lord was pleased to give my wife a blessed promise. She awoke me in the dead of the night and told me that the dear Lord had spoken to her these blessed words: ‘I go to prepare a place for you and if I go away I will come again and receive you to myself’.

And she answered and, said, ‘What me Lord, such an unworthy wretch as me?’

And the Lord spake again and said, ‘I go to prepare a place for you’. She said she heard no voice but the Lord spoke to her heart.

As soon as she told me of the Lord’s goodness Satan took advantage of it and tempted me to believe that my wife was the blessed one, and myself an awful hypocrite and should be lost at last. But this did not last long, bless the Lord for his goodness.

The Lord has been very good to my oldest daughter aged 18 years, living at Brighton. I had reason to hope the Lord had put his fear in her heart at a very early age and as she has grown in years the work of grace has been more plain, and she has wrote many letters and many of them breathed the language of a living soul. But the last she wrote was very encouraging. She told us how she went to West Street Chapel and how dark and miserable she felt. She said she felt the greatest sinner in the chapel and she said she wondered that God did not strike her dead in the place and send her to hell. But here again the Lord showed his sovereignty, for having to stay at home in the evening, the Lord was pleased to appear. For as she was alone in the kitchen, he set her soul at sweet and happy liberty. She said she felt so happy she could hardly keep from blessing and praising the Lord. She said she thought her master and mistress must have heard her. Those that know what a powerful visit from the Lord is, knows well what the dear girl means. I bless the Lord that I knows it to my soul’s comfort. Amen.

December 17 — 1867: Here I have to record one of the greatest trials that I ever had to pass through. Our pastor has caused much confusion in the church, which caused me to leave with much grief . (58)

October 22 — 1870: After 3 years of sin and sorrow and much darkness of soul, I must again record the goodness of the Lord. My wife has again been through her trouble and has brought forth our twelfth child. Bless the Lord for his goodness. Also my afflicted son is much better, so much so that we have made our escape from Kingston and are living in a nice new house at Ashcombe. Mrs. Ingram (59) is gone to her long home and the family are all left, and the ungodly servant and all gone, and the poor old despised gardener still remains and has a good master and better wages and a good house and all very comfortable. In this I can plainly see that the bounds of my habitation are all set out, and neither men nor devils can hinder its accomplishment. Blessed be the Lord for his great goodness to me, a poor unworthy sinner.

I am now nearly 50 years of age and am no better than I was but rather worse in myself. I used to think when I got old the evils of my nature would die, but I find them as strong as ever they was, and I can say with the great apostle Paul in me, that is in my flesh dwelleth no good thing, therefore I protest before the world that I have no hopes of being saved, for any good in me, therefore, if I am saved at all, it must be by free saving grace, independent of any work or worthiness in me.

August 12 — 1876: This day my dear afflicted son entered his eternal rest, where affliction is not known and where the inhabitants shall no more say, ‘I am sick’. He suffered sore affliction near 17 years. His was a true life of faith. He lived a true believer and so he died. The Lord’s name be praised.

December 1st — 1879(?): I once more desire to speak of the goodness and mercy of the Lord for sparing so long a poor, backsliding, sinful, rebellious creature. Since I last wrote I have had many mercies and blessings but no heart to be thankful, only when the Lord is pleased to give me a feeling sense of his goodness and this is seldom. Oh for more life in my poor soul if it is his blessed will, for without the Lord I can do nothing.

December 25 — 1882: Once more the good Lord has appeared for me in a way of providence. Mrs. Goldfinch is left Ashcombe and a new master (60) has come and I am still in my place with better wages and a comfortable set of servants and no opposition for going to chapel. Bless the Lord oh my soul.

November 14 — 1884: This has been a very solemn time for me and my wife. My son Ephraim has had a sad accident and shot both hands through with a gun. He has lost 1 finger from his left hand and 3 from his right hand. But his life is spared for which I thank and bless the Lord.

February 21 — 1886: I am still a living mountain of God’s sparing mercy, undeserving as I am, but bless the Lord, with all my badness I have not been left to deny the blessed truth which I received 30 years ago but it is still precious to my poor soul, I mean when I can feel it applied with power to my hand(?). Free grace is my heart’s delight and I believe it will be till I die. Him that endureth unto the end the same shall be saved. May the Lord give me grace to endure and his name shall have the praise.

1886 March 7: This day my son Ephraim entered into his everlasting rest. He has been unwell nearly all the winter. At last consumption of the lungs set in and water round the heart. He was only laid by from his work four weeks and 2 days. But we can bless the Lord for his goodness and his mercy unto him. I was led to cry to the Lord and beseech him to put a cry for mercy into my poor boy’s soul. This he did hear and answered, for he was led to cry to the Lord from a felt need as a poor perishing sinner. In this we have a good hope the Lord did hear and answer and he fell asleep in a most blessed manner without a groan or a struggle. He is buried in Kingston churchyard, aged 20 years and 2 months. The Lord be praised for all his goodness and mercy unto us these many years in this wilderness world.

September 29 — 1888: After many years of sin and sorrow at Ashcombe, nearly 30 years, and I expected to end my days there, but the Lord’s name be praised who has fed and clothed me all my days, is still merciful to me and mine, for we are now living at Elm Croft, West Farleigh near Maidstone in the county of Kent, where we little thought of living. May the Lord be with us here, Amen.

I served as gardener at Ashcombe from November 1st 1858 until September 29 — 1888. This makes me 68 years old on August 16 — 1888. (61)

Notes

1 East Chiltington Baptismal Register records James Nye’s birth as May 19th, 1822. His parents were William and Mary Nye of East Chiltington; his father was a labourer. ESRO 293/1/2/1, p.14.

2 Compare this with William Huntington, The Kingdom of Heaven Taken by Prayer, (hereafter Huntington), pp33/34: ‘We children fared very hard; and indeed seldom knew what it was to have a bellyful of victuals above once in a week… Suffering with hunger, cold and almost nakedness, so embittered my life in my childhood that I have often wished secretly that I had been a brute, for then I could have filled my belly in the fields.’

3 ‘Dreaning’: Sussex dialect for draining, i.e. dripping with water.

4 Compare Huntington, p.39, ‘there are many who are truly gracious, that will go upon their knees and cry before God, and suffer much, rather than let their case be made known to men.’

5 ‘Squire Cripps’, John Martin Cripps of Novington Manor, a landowner and J.P. at East Chiltington. Kelly’s Directory 1855 p.876. 1851 CR Westmeston p.19.

6 I am not sure of the exact meaning here, or of the identity of old Mrs. Vinall. The Vinall family (if she is a member of the same one) were leading independents in Lewes during Nye’s life and are referred to again in the book.

7 Huntington, p.65, has similar feelings.

8 ‘.. as poor Joseph was tried,’ This is a reference to the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife, Genesis 39 vv.7-10. Joseph was a slave in the house of Potiphar, his mistress asked him to lie with her, but he refused.

9 Mrs. Eldridge, Plumpton Place. Plumpton 1841 CR p.6, gives John Eldridge, 65, Miller. Susannah Eldridge, 55. James Nye, 20, M(an) S(ervant). The household consisted of 1 child, 2 female servants and 1 man servant.

10 Compare Huntington, p.335: ‘I was very fond of jovial company, singing, ranting, jesting, telling stories and the like to make fools laugh: which I afterwards paid dear for.’

11 James Nye married Martha Brazier at the church of St. John the Baptist, Southover, on 31st August, 1845. Their fathers’ occupations are given respectively as Brickmaker and Limeburner. Nye signed the register, Martha made a mark. ESRO 413/1/3/2, p.38.

12 Elizabeth Parks Barberie, wife of John Nugent Barberie who farmed Housedean Farm, Falmer (846 acres employing 20 men and 8 boys in 1851). 1851 CR Falmer, p.21. Also held lands at East Chiltington. The farming of lands in both places accounts for Nye’s move to Falmer in the later 1850s.

13 Compare Huntington, p.114: ‘I had always attended the Church of England, where we hear nothing about Christ, in the pulpits, till they conclude, when they generally bring him in as a fag end to their little better than heathen morality.’ p.170: ‘I did not like the minister at Sunbury because he was running about the fields all week with a gun in his hand; so that I never thought his person sacred, unless he had gown and cassock on.’

14 The Whole Duty of Man (1658 and many subsequent editions) by Richard Allestree (1619—1681). Chaplain in Ordinary to the King, Regis Professor of Divinity and Provost of Eton. The book is a detailed discussion of the duty of the Christian to God and his fellow men. Huntington, p.154, indicates that he also read The Whole Duty of Man. ‘This book I eagerly embraced, read it in every opportunity that offered, and laboured hard all day long to live up to its rules.’ But ultimately he falls out with it (p.179).

15 Call to the Unconverted (1657) by Richard Baxter (1615—91) puritan divine. For an authori¬tative recent treatment of Baxter see W.M. Lamont: Richard Baxter and the Millennium, (1979).

16 Compare Huntington, p.162: ‘I had received the Sacrament unworthily.’

17 I assume the parson referred to here is W. Woodward, curate of East Chiltington Chapel from 1832-1852. ESRO 293/1/2/1. East Chiltington was a chapel in the parish of West¬meston although, ‘immemorially treated as a separate parish for all civil purposes’. ESRO 293/7/1, p.3.

18 The identity of the ‘young man from the college’ is probably E.B. Beck. Baptismal entries record him officiating at East Chiltington from January 1853 to August 1853. I have not found any record of his death referred to on p.15. There was, however, another curate whose curacy at East Chiltington was short, J.T.W. Allen, from January to August 1854. ESRO293/1/2/1.

19 On the campaign to reform church music generally see Vic Gammon, ‘ “Babylonian Performances” THE Rise and Suppression of Popular Church Music’ in E. Yeo and S. Yeo Popular Culture and Class Conflict, 1590— 1914, (1981).

20 Nye is here articulating the great protestant debate on church music. St. Thomas Aquinas, Calvin, Hooker, Wesley among others made similar comments.

21 The secularity and independence of clerical control of many nineteenth century village church musicians is widely affirmed. See Gammon op. cit. Thomas Hardy: Under the Greenwood Tree. K.H. MacDermott: Sussex Church Music in the Past. (1922).

22 See Introduction, p.6.

23 The position of parish clerk was important until the later nineteenth century. See Ditchfield The Parish Clerk, (1907). Five pounds was a usual sort of amount paid at this time but the churchwardens’ accounts record that from 1852 to 1867 the fee at East Chiltington was £3.10s. p.a. ESRO 293/12/1. Nye was probably correct in thinking he was misled.

24 ‘my master’ — John Barberie, see Note 12.

25 ‘Mr Grace’ — Rev. John Grace, 1 Islingword Road, Brighton. Kelly’s Directory 1855, p.827.

26 ‘Hart’s Hymn Book’; the work of Rev. Joseph Hart (1712 — 1768), an extremely popular collection that went into about 25 editions between 1759 and 1850. Might the following have been among the pieces that helped Nye?
‘Election! ’tis a word divine
For, lord, I plainly see,
Had not they choice prevented mine
I ne’er had chosen thee.’
(Hymn 113, v.7)

27 ‘Master Friar’. Identity uncertain—probably agricultural labourer, husband of Ann Fryer, 65, and a pauper, 1851.

28 See Nye’s poem on his twelve children, p.55.

29 ‘Old Mr. Vinall’ — this is John Vinall (?—1860) minister of Jireh Chapel, Lewes.

30 The Gospel Standard or Feeble Christians’ Support, was a religious periodical which started in 1835, cost 2d. and was strongly Calvanistic in attitude.

31 The Epistle starts with a statement of the doctrine of predestination.

32 This is chapter 2, verse 1.

33 This is his daughter Dorcas.

34 Ashcombe House was occupied by Mary C. Goddard, described as housekeeper, in 1851. The 1861 Census is illegible at this point but describes occupant as fund holder. In 1870 the lease was assigned to William A. Goldfinch (Indian Civil Service, retired); the house had been in the occupation of Mrs. Mary Harrison Ingram. Shiffner Papers, SAS, SH 321.

35 ‘old house’, meaning ‘trouble’. E. Partridge, A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English, Vol. I, p.584. (London, 5th edition, 1961).

36 Mr. E. Bing. I have not identified this minister.

37 Newhaven Union, meeting of 3rd May 1861: ‘James Nye belonging to East Chiltington living at Kingston applies for medical aid for his family having a wife and 6 children under 16 who earn nothing. His wages are 15/- a week. Allowed.’ ESRO G7/1a/10/ p.83.

38 Meeting of 17th May 1861: ‘James Nye 39 living at Kingston upwards of one year but belonging to Chiltington applied for relief — his daughter Naomi being very ill — Mr. Turner the medical officer ordered her 1/2 a pint of port wine and 2lbs. of mutton one week and one pint of wine and 4lbs. of mutton for another week which the rel. Officer (text incomplete) — he also applies for her funeral expenses — she being dead. (At side) Approved and coffin to be charged to Kingston.

39 The order for the mutton has not survived.

40 ‘the governor of the place’ — Mr. James Hodson, together with his son of the same name, were the Churchwardens and Overseers for the parish of Kingston. ‘Kingston… The soil is productive, and is in the occupation of Messrs. Hodson and Son’, Melville & Co. Directory and Gazetteer of Sussex (1858), p.197.

41 ‘Mr. Kell’ — William Polhill Kell Esq. was Clerk to the Poor Law Guardians. Melvilles Directory (1858), p.184.

42 ‘sarn’ — I take this to be Nye’s dialect for sworn.

43 See the removal order reproduced on pp.28 and 29, signed by Hodson and his son.

44 Compare Huntington, p.118, ‘In this deplorable state I knew not where to go.’

45 ‘Ebenezer’ — in Hebrew means ‘Stone of help’, I Samuel 7, v12. After the Philistines are smitten: ‘Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto hath the land helped us.’

46 This is one of Nye’s few references to the advantages of poverty.

47 Judging from the date, I think that Ebenezer Vinall is referred to.

48 This is the point at which the book becomes an occasional diary.

49 ‘Mr. Dann’ — William Dann, minister of Bethesda Chapel (Calvinist), St. John Street, Lewes. (Kelly’s Directory, 1870, p.2530).

50 ‘set up another Ebenezer’ — the usage here is, I think, metaphorical.

51 The reference here is obscure — obviously some personal disruption.

52 Examples of Nye’s music and poetry are given on pp.39, 41 and 55. All surviving MSS are at SAS library and Anne of Cleves Museum, Lewes.

53 ‘the church parson’ — this is probably the vicar of Kingston.

54 Note Nye’s quietism here.

55 Lewes Calvinists, particularly those associated, like Nye, with the Jireh Chapel, were the leading anti-Catholics in the town. The following is an account from the Sussex Express 23rd July 1864:

Lecture on Popery, &c — a very attentive audience has assembled almost nightly during the assizes, in the Corn Exchange, under the presidence of Paul Foskett, Esq., of Brighton, to hear addresses from two able and eloquent converts from Romanism, Messrs. Murphy and O’Donovan. Their exposure of Romish practices and errors was very striking. One of the gentlemen warned the people of Lewes that he had reason to believe an attempt would shortly be made to erect a Papist Mass house in Lewes. He thought no town in England should tolerate such a thing among them until the Romanists in Italy and Spain showed equal toleration to Protestantism. What would the Pope say, if we attempted to build a Protestant church immediately under his nose at Rome? He only wished the inhabitants of one town in England would prove their sincere attachments to the Protestant cause. He ridiculed the Romish scapulars, and was evidently received with great favour by a tolerably numerous audience.

On religion and politics in Lewes at this time see Colin E. Brent, ‘The Immediate Impact of the Second Reform Act on a Southern County Town: voting patterns at Lewes in 1865 and 1868’, Southern History, 1980. On popular protestantism and anti-Catholicism in general, see Geoffrey Best: ‘Popular Protestantism in Victorian Britain’, in R. Robson, (ed.) Ideas and Institutions of Victorian Britain, 1967.

56 ‘Mr. Grace’ — the Brighton minister referred to on p.42.

57 ‘Mr. Anscombe’ — I have not traced this minister.

58 ‘pastor… confusion… caused me to leave.’ I have not been able to find out what this obscure reference refers to.

59 Mrs. Ingram, Nye’s employer, occupant of Ashcombe House. See Note 34.

60 ‘a new master’ — Charles William Moreland, J.P. (Kelly’s Directory 1882, p.2170).

61 James Nye died of heart disease and pleurisy on 10th October 1892 at Elms Cross, West Farleigh. (Death certificate).

Appendix

Some poems by James Nye.

Some specimens of James Nye’s poetry follow. They throw light on aspects of his life and opinions given in the text of his book. It is notable that in the course of the book Nye’s wife and children are never mentioned by name. This should not be taken as indicating any lack of affection, as ‘Lines on my twelve children’ shows. ‘Free grace Jem and freewill Tom’ puts a fundamen¬tal debate of protestant theology into homely verse and is occasioned by a tour of the American evangelists Sankey and Moodey. ‘Lines on the bountiful harvest of 1863’ is a celebration of God’s providence and contains a reference (I assume) to the American Civil War. ‘Lines on taking a view of home’ represents Nye in an optimistic mood contemplating heaven. Finally ‘Lines on carnal security’ rationalises poverty, affliction and suffering in terms of the final reward of heaven and suggests that earthly riches, ‘carnal security’, ‘leads the soul in many dangers’.

Nye’s diction is clear and, not surprisingly, he makes use of biblical phrases and words. The form he most commonly uses is common metre, beloved of metrical psalmists, hymnwriters and ballad singers. The mention of the latter reminds us that Nye had been exposed to popular secular material and this influenced his own poetry. ‘Come all you…’ is a standard popular ballad opening and the dialogue form of ‘Free grace Jem…’ was very common in broadside ballads.

Lines on the Bountiful Harvest of 1863

Come all you faithful husbandmen
That cultivate the land,
And bless the God of Providence
Who opened wide his hand.

And made the seed to multiply
That’s cast into the ground
And crowned our labours with success
All the country round.

Come bless and praise his holy name
Who caused the sun to shine,
To nourish up the tender plant
And cheer our gloomy minds.

He’s faithful to his promises
Up to this present day
That seedtime and harvest should
Never pass away.

What can us render to his name
For blessings great as these?
Our barns are filled with plenty and
There’s fruit upon the trees.

And now he’s sent the taller rain
To cheer our winter crops,
Pasture for the ox and cow
And also for the flocks.

Now we have peace and plenty in
This favoured country,
And may the same be realised
Far beyond the sea.

And may the fearful ravages
Of war come to an end
And once more peace and unity
Amongst our fellow men.

J. Nye

September 14th.

Free Grace Jem and Freewill Tom

Jem, have you heard of them two men
That come so far away?
They made a zealous stir they say
In town the other day.

What, them two Yankees do you mean
Who preached in London town
And made such lots of hypocrites
All the country round?

What think of that big Bendigo
That mighty man to fight?
I heard them say the other day
They converted him outright.

Buy how about the pigeon shoot
Was that a proper place
For a new born child of God
When saved by saving grace?

Jem don’t you talk so ignorant
I hate that saving grace,
I know we can be saved by works,
That’s quite a different case.

That sounds too sankymoodeous
For me to take your part,
And all the world may tell you so
‘Twil never change your heart.

Why Jem, you make me feel quite mad
To slight such men as they,
Who almost wear their bodies out,
Who sing and preach and pray.

I wonder how they came to preach,
Who set them doing that?
It might be old diabolus,
Or some such chap as that.

Oh Jem, to see ten thousand folks
A-wiping of the eye,
Some groaning out, some turning white,
And some goed mad to cry.

But how about the yellow gold
What do they want with that?
I lay they slip it in a bag
Or in a great long sack.

Why Jem, these good and gracious men
Have done such lots of good,
And changed the hearts of thousands too,
They must be sent of God.

How long have these good folks been saved,
If they were saved at all,
Don’t you think they all were saved
Long before the fall?

Why Jem, you talk just like a fool,
They were saved just when they like,
They’ve only got to turn from sin
And give their hearts to Christ.

Oh Tom, who ever learnt you that?
Such doctrines scorn,
I know if I am saved at all
I was saved before I was born.

Oh that election, how I hate,
It makes me feel so glad
To think I never learnt such stuff
It drives some people mad.

It’s(?) just this doctrine does me good,
And makes my heart rejoice,
I love(?) God’s blest electing love
And everlasting choice.

Oh Jem, I really pity you,
Your ignorance is so great,
I know I gave my heart to Christ
And now I am complete.

Oh Tom, now hear what Paul declares,
He preached the truth outright,
The election hath ordained it,
The rest are blenched quite.

What do mean, that Christ didn’t die
For all the human race?
I know he did and may be saved
If they will seek his face.

But Christ said none can come to me
But whom the Father draws,
All the rest are curst and damned
By God’s most righteous laws.

Oh Jem, I wish that you would go
And hear them Yankees preach,
I know they soon would change your heart
And make you Jesus seek.

Oh Tom, ’tis best the other way
For Christ to seek us first,
For if we get before the Lord
Our case may be the worse.

Well Jem, my heart’s as good as you,
I made it so you see
When first I gave it to the Lord,
Who died for such as me.

Why Tom, I know not what you mean,
My heart’s a sink of sin,
No good thing can be found in that
It’s quite throughout unclean.

Why Jem, you shock me more and more,
We are not so bad as that,
I know my heart is good and clean,
If yours is dark and black.

Tom, although I feel so bad,
If Christ has died for me
I am a new born child of God
From condemnation free.

You may be that today I know,
And love and watch and pray,
But if you do not keep yourself
Tomorrow may fall away.

No Tom, whom once the Lord has chose
Can never finally fall,
God is an everlasting love
For all whom he does call.

Now Jem, I find it vanity
To try to change your mind,
So I will hasten on my way
And you may stay behind.

Then goodby Tom, I hope the Lord
Will open your blind eyes,
And put his fear within your heart
And fit you for the skies.

So says poor old Jem.

Lines on Taking a View of Home

O what blessed thoughts that we
Shall for ever be set free,
And shall our redeemer see
Throughout a vast eternity.

There to sing with saints on high,
Who do victory, victory cry,
Far above the starry skies,
Where blessed spirits ever fly.

J. Nye December 19th — 1863.

Lines on Carnal Security

Of all the paths a Christian walks in
Carnal ease must be the worst,
It leads the soul in many dangers,
Except the eyes are opened first.

To see the gulf of nature’s evil,
Pride and lust and vanities,
All are pleasing, gratifying,
All will feed the soul at ease.

None will wish for tribulation
Is a crown that never fades,
But those that live at ease in Zion
Causes grief in future days.

Better for to be afflicted,
Better tossed on troubled seas,
Than be left at ease in Zion,
Or security and ease.

Why should Christians fret and murmur,
At the dealings of the Lord?
When ’tis sent for to correct us
To keep us in the narrow road.

Better for to bless and praise
The God that keeps us meek and low,
And who keeps us walking in that
Path where ransomed sinners go.

To gain a host of saints and angels
For ever free from grief and woe,
In these glorious heavenly mansions
Where our hearts will overflow.

With the good of God who made us
Meet to dwell with saints on high,
Who are singing alleluia,
And the Lord …lling high.

Lines on My Twelve Children

Naomi was my first born child
A sweet and loving maid
She lived to see her fifteenth year
Then in the grave was laid.

I mourn for her and yet rejoice,
To think her soul’s at rest,
The Lord has done great things for her
I know his ways are best.

Noah is my second child
A poor afflicted son,
He laid ten years upon his bed
Yet a highly favoured one.

Naarah is a little maid,
Beloved of the Lord
He put new life within her soul,
His goodness she records.

Margaret is my daughter dear
With weak feeble faith,
But such shall never be cast out
For Jehovah so saeth.

Amos is my son indeed,
May God appear for him
And put his fear in his poor soul
And make his heart to sing.

Dorcas was a loving child
Her life was short below,
Her time was only sixteen months
Then straight to Heaven she flew.

Laura, meek and lowly child,
May Jesus be her rest
And be her everlasting joy
And dwell within her breast.

Ruth is my youngest daugher
God bless the little maid,
And fit her soul to dwell on high
Through everlasting days.

Ebenezer is the ninth,
A son of many prayers
May God almighty bless the lad
And lodge a treasure there.

May Ephraim be a favoured one
And live a life of faith,
And see a smile of love divine
From Jesus’ loving face.

Cephas is my darling boy,
May grace dwell in his heart,
May Jesus claim him as his own
And never with him part.

Rhodea in the realms of Bliss,
Her stay was short below,
She goes to everlasting rest,
Where pleasures ever flow.